I started this blog for a class, circa fall 2014, and have
decided to come back to it. This topic is so relevant to me as I’m going through
my quarter life crisis. I’m currently in month 4 post grad and am still as lost as ever. My last semester of college I
was in so much denial about graduating that I put off planning for the future
in order to live fully in the present. I came across an opportunity to
interview for a spot on a bus tour across the US. I sort of used that as an
excuse not to apply for big girl jobs since there was a chance I would just
pack up and leave if I was chosen. I made it to the final interviews in NYC which
were the day after my graduation. It was an interesting and awesome experience,
but in the end I wasn’t selected. I was kind of relieved because for 1, I get
extreme motion sickness and 2, am not a great person to be around in the mornings.
The day I got home from NYC I went right to my cousin’s college graduation,
then directly to North Jersey for a few days for a family crisis. Anyway, the
whole time I was being asked about having or applying to jobs. Being away was another excuse for me to avoid the future that was staring me in the face. Once I was home,
my bff called me about an open position for an internship where she works.
Granted, it would only be for the summer and I could work there while looking
for a big girl job. I interviewed for it and got the job! I knew right from the start there would not be a position for me at the end of the summer, but experience is always beneficial and I knew I wouldn't find a job for a while.
Well here I am, internship almost over and still haven’t applied
for one job. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m driven and really
optimistic about the future, but I’m scared. It still hasn’t hit me that I’m
not going back to school with all my friends. I’ve found so many jobs I would
like, but hesitate to apply to them. Everyone always says you don't need to like your first job, but it doesn’t have to be like that for me. I’m qualified for the
positions I want at the moment and there are always jobs in marketing. The world looks so big and so small at the
same time. I could move anywhere in the world; I have no ties. The problem is I don’t know
where I want to go. It’s such a huge decision and I’m terrified I’ll go
somewhere and not be satisfied. I can’t imagine working somewhere for years,
staying in the same spot for that long. I don’t want to lose my youth. There
are so many places and things I want to do and I don’t want to waste time.
Maybe I’m stuck looking for the perfect job, but that doesn’t exist. I want to travel
and do exciting things. I want to be part of something big that’s important and
affects people’s lives.
The clock is ticking and my sublet is up in a few weeks. My friends go back to school and life goes on. Everyone’s moving on and I’m standing
still. Once I’m back at my parent’s house I’ll go crazy. I want so many thing,
but at the same time I don’t know what I want. I'm being thrown into adulthood and I'm not willing or ready for the real world.
